Take a time to look behind you and see the things that made you, you. If you’ll just take a moment to ponder, you’ll be shocked on how much you’ve changed all throughout these years. You’ll see the things that brought major shifts in your life that you don’t know they’re capable of inflicting. You’ll get to see how some people touched you in the deepest ways possible that they have left marks you won’t be able to erase.

We all have good and bad times from the past. I had my fair share which have drastically affect me both in the good and bad way. There are so many very good things I can say, but today, I want to share a sad one.

Basically, I can say that one unfortunate thing that happened to me was

“I grew up too fast…”

It wasn’t a long time ago when I get acquainted with the term old soul. It just came out in my news feed and when I read the article, I realized I am an old soul. Well, I wasn’t, but now, I am. This article 10 Reasons Why Old Souls Have Such A Hard Time Finding Love just made me feel the feels! No.1 up to No. 10 are all on point, especially No. 2!!!

“Old souls are essentially people who grew up too soon. And in this short journey, they never really had enough time to nurse the wounds of their past failures and mishaps. Sometimes it is these past life experiences  that have led them to become an old soul.”

-EWAO

After reading, I’m finally able to address some things about me that I’m confused about before. Things I can’t explain or utter in words. I just had this constant feeling that something is wrong about me. I’m different. I’m feeling something odd and I don’t know what it is or what it’s called, but THERE. IS. SOMETHING.

I then became enlightened that I really did grew up too soon and it has devastating effects on me which I haven’t noticed before. The thing is I grew up too soon because I experienced something too heavy at a very young age.

I fell in love…

I fell in love, but with the wrong person.

I was very young back then and I had to experience it alone because it was such an “odd story” you know. I had silent cries at night because I know no one can understand. I had silent pains for years. I had silent screams. Silent agonies.

When you love a person who shouldn’t be loved, or when you fell in love within the boundaries of a situation that is not right, you are alone. Even if some people will tell you that they understand or they want to understand, you know deep in your heart that they will never “truly” understand until they fit in your shoes. It felt so hard that no one’s on your side. Add the fact that falling in love with that person is hurtful, and you have no one to talk to. Even your own family can’t understand.

I have contemplated about this guy (who’s the first guy I’ve ever loved) for hours up until 3 AM- each and every night. I had to think about a lot of things because if I don’t, I’ll be crazy with all the questions I have in my silly head. I had to look for answers by myself. I had to…alone. I had to…to survive.

And then I just found myself apart from all the miseries. With a kind of temperament different from those of my age. With a kind of thinking different from my age. I see things different and I know it because I can feel it. I feel like I have a different pair of eyes.

According to the article, old souls are intuitive. And finally, I have found a word to describe me (’cause you know…I really suck at describing myself using traits and characteristics etc.). Yes, I’m really an intuitive person. My instincts are on the hype every time! I know loving that guy caused this because loving him made me rely on my gut feel all the time. Loving him is like being blindfolded, that I only have to rely with my feelings. I have no guide to compare my situation with, and I have no one to talk things about, so I always turn inwards to find meaning. So, yeah…I’m a very intuitive person. Come and see for yourself! HAHA! 🤣

No. 2 on the list is that old souls carry baggage from their past. Oh, yeah. Even though I’m genuinely over him in the sense of longing us to be together, I still feel the pain of him not standing up for me. Period.

No.3 is old souls think about the bigger picture. I do put a lot on my plate. I also want to be ready in all aspects before I fall in love…again. This time, I hope it will be the be all, end all. I hope the next will be my last and we’ll be together.

No. 4 says that old souls are constantly looking for their soulmate…which is really true of me. I don’t want just any other guy. I want the best for me because I know I deserve it.

No. 5 says that old souls want compatibility. Yes, along with friendship, we want a deep connection not just with a romantic partner, but with everyone in our lives.

No.6 and No.7 are so on point by saying that old souls aren’t comfortable with the new-age dating techniques and that old souls find the game exhausting. Go on say that we are hopeless romantics, but we really want our love lives to happen naturally. I mean, Omegle is fun. Tinder is fun. But meeting someone in person, accidentally, is just sooooooooo magical!

No. 8 is also true that old souls have high standards. I think I don’t have to further this after all the things I said earlier. HAHAHAHA! 😆 😆 😆

To No. 9, I can really attest! Old souls’ emotions get in the way! Yes, we are deeply emotional people! We love soooo much! We get sooooo down when we’re sad! We get sooooo high when we’re happy! We get tooooo scared when we’re afraid! Every bottle of emotion is brimming for each one of us. That’s why we find ourselves kinda having a hard time finding love. We are too afraid that things won’t work out that we don’t even try.

Ending this blog post is the No. 10 which is old souls have a sense of identity. We know who we are. We know what we want out of a partner. Period.

Becoming an old soul was a tough journey full of heartbreaks. It is really saddening to realize how I did become this kind of person. I was pushed to my limits. It is really painful that I get to grew up too fast. But then, I accept myself for who I am now, for who I am in the past and for who I’m going to be in the future. Becoming an old soul may have happened to me in the ugliest way possible, but hey! There are more beautiful perks that comes with it too! See the list? Most of them sounds sooooo beautiful! 🎇

 

 

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