In the past, I’ve watched myself stand up and fall back again, and stand up and fall back again. It’s been a cycle that’s been on and on and on. One day, I was so determined to live my life principles no matter what the circumstance is, then the other day, I was totally doomed―angry at life for being so unfair and rude. Today, I learned and realized that those convictions you have―the principles and values you really believe in, you have to choose them not just once for all time―rather, you have to choose to stick to them in every single day of your life. It takes a daily conscious effort to really become the person you want to be. And when you finally get your breakthrough (with being consistent on who you want to become), it’s still going to be an everyday challenge afterwards. It never ends.

As part of my birthday bash (I’m turning 18!), I would like to state my 18 values―which I sometimes found myself not holding onto during rough times. I would like to write them down for me to be firmly reminded that whatever circumstance life throws upon me, I won’t ever dumped them again; I will always choose them! I also hope you’ll gain something from thisbe inspired too if we ever have the same values!

To be an extraordinary woman, I’m choosing…

  1. To not be too overwhelmed by the ‘world.’ I will never forget that the world I live in right now has standards that are very far from what’s right, but very near to being so superficial. I will never be, in Filipino/Tagalog they say, “makain ng sistema” ever again. I have done things that I shouldn’t have done, but I still did because I saw everyone doing it. Never to these again! Never!
  2. To forgive a loved one that has really, really hurt me before up until now. I now know why you’re acting the way you are right now, and I completely understand you. I know you’ve been hurt during your childhood, and now you can’t give the amount of love I need because your love tank is half-empty. I’m here to promise you that I’ll try everything I can to fill yours with all the strength I have. When I truly love someone, I won’t give up on them―I should not give up on them. And hurt people hurt others―they are the ones who needed my love the most!
  3. To be genuinely happy on my height. Being a ‘short girl’ seems to be just an insignificant out-of-the-normal for others, but believe me, we just don’t say it, we just laugh when others make fun of us―but being shorter than what we should really be, imposes a lot of stress on us. I’ve expected that as I turn 18, I’ll grow some inches more, but looking at myself in the mirror says it all. I won’t stress myself on things I can’t change anymore. I won’t be very much affected of my weaknesses that others  always point out on me.
  4. To finally accept the painful truth that high school is really different than college and that college will never feel like high school anymore. In a heart-to-heart talk with a loved one, I finally came to see why I’m feeling strange in my college days, and why I hate how college works. It’s true that the best part of schooling is ‘high school!’ It is the time to adapt to the new system in front of me. Yes, adaptation and adjustment are the perfect words! I’m used to have everything laid out perfect for me before―everything works well with my plans. Now, everything just goes against me, but I can and I will go through if I allow myself to change my ways. And I think, if I’m going to do a good job adjusting, maybe I can redeem my old self back―the Veron everyone knows before I enter Lyceum. I miss her so much!
  5. To end the tiring cycle of comparing my grasses with others. The cycle of looking on others’ grass if theirs are greener, then looking on mine and perceiving it as dull, should be stopped. Often, when we compare our lives with that of others, we see ours as way ‘lesser’―even though our lives are just fine. Well, maybe, I should strike a balance here―after all, comparison in a healthy dose is good.
  6. To let go of toxic friends surrounding me. I’ve always been blaming myself for the miserableness we all felt together. Now I realized that I’ve done everything I can, and they still look miserable themselves. It’s not me anymore. They really have problems that has been dragging me down before. All I can do is to love them afar. Yes, just love them afar instead of making them squeeze out and drain me of all my energy every single day.
  7. To never be terribly affected by the problems I have and ‘will’ have―for I know the things that ‘really’ matter and the things that ‘really’ don’t. In this world full of worries on things that aren’t even important at all, I choose to focus my attention on what God says as ‘truly’ important and significant and worthy! If a problem has nothing to do with the ‘better’ next life in stored for me, then I will just shrug it off. I won’t waste my energy ever again. I hope and pray so.
  8. To always push myself. One of the things I’m proud of is that I transformed from someone who settles on the things she’s used to, to someone who tries, in any given opportunity, to risk and indulge on things that are ‘foreign’. Even in small things, I found myself doing that. I’m allowing myself to grow―and I will, in all the days that’ll come. I’ll choose to go out of my comfort zone, out to things that I know will take my breath away. Oh! How I love so much those things that take my breath away!!!
  9. Taking No. 8 into consideration, yes, I should always push myself… but I also choose TO PUT ‘HEALTHY’ WALLS for my well-being. I pretty much know that I have limitations. Limitations that have been set by the beautiful, unique way I’ve been created as a human being. I also know that it’s my duty to take very good care of myself, in which one of the ways is putting up ‘healthy’ shields. I am choosing to always take notice if the ‘pushing myself’ thingy is already going too much that I’m already ‘unhealthily’ losing the very essence of who I really am.
  10. To never give up on my dream debut novel in Precious Hearts Romances Corporation. I’ve always dreamt about publishing my own book, and to do just that with a very successful brand will be so fab! I’ve been smitten by stories from PHR Writers which were adapted in the local television like the Bud Brothers Series which I really like! They always say that if you have plans, you might want to keep it to yourself for it may not happen if you will shout it out to the world. But as what the tagline of my 18th birthday says, #DaringlyMV, I will be audacious and say that I really, really want to become a successful and famous writer/author. To have many novels and other books published by well-known companies, and to also, someday, watch my imaginations come into live action in TV and ‘big’ screens.
  11. To enhance my singing voice. I’ve been told quite many times before and now that I have a nice voice. Not to brag, but I also feel just the same when I hear my voice when I sing (Omg! HAHAHAHA!) But the truth is… it isn’t practiced! So it’s not the kind of voice that gets some great acknowledgement from others. I’ll do my very best to finally give it ample time or space in my life―not as something to be proven (but maybe yes too..well just a bit), but as something that I JUST REALLY WANT TO DO. Ensuing this, I also promise to never give up in playing the guitar. I don’t know if I have a talent in music or whatsoever, but I’m pretty sure of one thing―I’m pretty good at it if we are talking about learning things on your own without any mentor beside you. BUT NEVERTHELESS, IT IS STILL VERY HARD TO BE GOOD AT THAT INSTRUMENT! Haays! HAHAAHAHA! By the way, let me take this opportunity to thank Jeremy Robles, my former classmate way back in high school, for being my very first influence in terms of guitars! Thank you for imparting knowledge about the basics and for teaching me how to play some chords. I’m still not moving on with the G- Em- D- C chord succession! LOL! (The very first song I was able to play was Perfect by Simple Plan)
  12. To not do stuff that others want or expect me to do, but I really don’t want to. I am the kind of girl who is being looked upon by everyone since I was a kid. Everybody has been prying over my life ever since before. I am the kind of girl who has always been setting the bars, and to be frank, I’m setting it high. So in return, everybody has been waiting if I ever fall. If I fail even at small things, it will always be a big news to everyone. To all the people who belong to my ‘pack of tearing wolves’, I just want to admit to all of you that yes, you have brought me down. I had my breakdown too regarding this thing, and it was very bad. I’m not sure though if the ‘had’ and ‘was’ are appropriate, for maybe I’m still having that dilemma up until now. I also want to say that fuck you all and that you will never bring me down again!!! I will never do things that I don’t want to just because you demand me (in your own ways) to do so. FUCK TO ALL THE EXPECTATIONS YOU PRESSURED UPON ME!
  13. To finally take my big and fearful, but surely rewarding responsibility to my younger sister and brothers. I am finally accepting now that I have a role that I have to attend to in molding them as a human being. Gosh! Put the pressure on the woman! I can impose good things upon them and will result in beautiful and young people, or I may impose bad things upon them and will result to dreadful individuals. I’m afraid that I may have already done the latter, but I really didn’t mean to. It was what the situation needed on that time. I want to make things up with my siblings, and I hope that it’s not yet late for me to be a good sister.
  14. To not bring forth upon all the people around me the hatred and wrath I feel every time something bad happens. I will try my very best not to. It’s been a disease of mine for a long, long time, and it is very bad!
  15. To not open my heart just yet. Now is the time when I will be pressured to look for a significant other. Often, when you become 18, you are very much allowed to have a boyfriend (I think Mama and Papa will certainly be exceptions, and I’m with them regarding that matter). I want to be mentally, emotionally, spiritually prepared before I go into a serious relationship. Yes, for the very first time that I enter into one, I want it to be serious already (why would I not choose that right?) I hope that ‘all of me’ will be 100% ready if destiny will finally give what’s mine. Before, I have hurt myself by seeing a boy as the one who is meant for me. I toxically clung to ‘us’ to the point that we’ve been destroyed even before anything has started. I did that again with another boy, so everything ended up tragic. I went all out thinking that this is it already, but not looking back to see that it really isn’t―it is not yet the time. My very point though is that I still have downtimes when I can’t barely love myself, then how am I supposed to truly love another human being? To be honest, I don’t know why society has set this time and age as the ‘right’ time to enter into romantic relationships. Eighteen is still very young, with so many other things about one’s individuality to handle and to explore. TO BE FRANK, IT IS STILL VERY EARLY PEOPLE!
  16. To go back to being a health buff. I don’t know what happened, but I just stopped jogging, exercising, burning, toning etc. Even if I have no instructor by my side before, I am very enthusiastic about leading a healthy lifestyle.
  17. To find ways to earn money for my family even if I’m still a student (being ready to do so also).
  18. To be consistent in being a scholar of LPU-Cavite and of the Commission on Higher Education (CHED). LABAN LANG MGA BES KAHIT PAGOD NA PAGOD NA AKO!!! (I’m so tired, but I’m gonna keep fighting friends!!!)

P.S. Is it normal to cry  then smile and then cry again while thinking of my nearing 18th birthday?